Inspiration Moodboard — vlada-sasha-natasha: Vivienne Westwood S/S 2012

Being known is being loved

"I know your pizza order by heart" "You have freckles on your ears" "You always make this face when you're tired" "You order green tea on a good day, black tea on a bad day" "The tips of your ears turn red when you're angry" "I knew you'd say something like that" "I know your favorite color is light blue" "Your favorite pie is pumpkin, right?" "I know your phone number, don't worry" "You miss me, i can tell" "You bite your nails when you're bored" "You don't like converse unless they're high tops" "Your favorite cereal is cinnamon toast crunch and you first ate it when you were 8"

Being known is being loved.

Are you hydrated?  If not, have a glass of water.

Have you eaten in the past three hours?  If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs.  Perhaps some nuts or hummus?

Have you showered in the past day?  If not, take a shower right now.

If daytime: are you dressed?  If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t pajamas.  Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep?  Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed.  If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.

Have you stretched your legs in the past day?  If not, do so right now.  If you don’t have the spoons for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please.  If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day?  Do so, whether online or in person.  Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.

Have you moved your body to music in the past day?  If not, do so — jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite BPM, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?  If not, do so.  Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets.  Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.

Do you feel ineffective?  Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip.  Good job!

Do you feel unattractive?  Take a goddamn selfie.  Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?  Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day.  If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable.  Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.

Have you seen a therapist in the past few days?  If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.

Have you been over-exerting yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually?  That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.

Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand?  That may be screwing with your head.  Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.

Have you waited a week?  Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause.  It happens.  Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.

You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through.  You are stronger than you think.

This post is available as a downloadable one-page PDF here.

Some people have asked about making this into a poster or redistributing it.  This post is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License: alteration and redistribution are welcome as long as you attribute my tumblr.  For some background and FAQ about the post, see my follow-up post.

Guy Debord’s The Society of the Spectacle: “Debord introduced the concept of recuperation: the process by which subcultural ideas and images become commodified and reincorporated into mainstream society,” she writes. In other words, ideas that subvert the establishment tend to get adapted by the establishment in their most docile forms, and are thus robbed of their original intent. For example, Pride sponsored by Target. Mass-produced “Nasty Woman” t-shirts sewn together by underpaid women. Denunciations of big tech posted on Instagram. This is how Debord’s spectacle works: “The digital embodiment of a certain aesthetic or attitude (i.e., ‘reactionary chic’) takes precedence over genuine political resistance.”

//

When ideas trend, we get public figures who wield them like branding exercises. The point is association. What politicians promise in campaign speeches, for example, is laughably different from what they do when they’re elected into office, and that’s because political speeches are about signals. Like wearing a Nirvana t-shirt from Forever21, the signifier is more important than the object or act it signifies. For Biden, denouncing predatory student loans while campaigning is more important than canceling student debt when he actually has the power to do so. Later, when the idea no longer serves him (it costs him money, it costs him power), he simply swaps in something else. In politics, cosplaying as the type of person you’d like people to think you are is the same thing as being that type of person. Plenty of us critique that sort of thing—call it electability politics—but when we absorb and regurgitate orthodoxy because we want to belong, to be centered, to be seen as moral and good, we’re performing the same trick.